8 Ways to Recreate Marriage on Paper-When You Can’t Get Married
Marriage equality has been the law of the land since 2015, but for many LGBTQ+ couples—especially those who are unmarried, not ready to marry, or who cannot marry for personal, financial, or safety reasons—estate planning remains the most powerful way to recreate the legal protections of marriage on paper.
Whether you’re building a family outside the traditional mold, navigating complicated relationships with biological relatives, find yourself in a country or state that doesn’t recognize same sex marriage or simply refuses to, planning around hostile or homophobic family members, or simply wanting airtight protections for your partner, the right estate plan can give you the same rights married spouses get automatically. Here are eight essential strategies LGBTQ+ individuals and couples can use to recreate marital protections—without needing a marriage certificate.
1. A Comprehensive Will: Naming Your Heir and Protecting Your Partner
In New York, if you die without a Will, the law gives everything to your closest biological or legally recognized family members—never an unmarried partner. That means many LGBTQ+ partners face the risk of losing their home, their belongings, and even access to sentimental items.
A carefully drafted Will allows you to:
Name your partner as your primary beneficiary
Disinherit unsupportive or hostile family members
Appoint a trusted executor (not a default next-of-kin)
Leave specific gifts or real estate to protect your partner’s long-term stability
A Will is your first legal tool for replicating the inheritance rights of marriage.
2. A Revocable Living Trust: The Strongest Form of Asset Protection for Unmarried Couples
While a Will protects your wishes after death, a Revocable Living Trust lets you recreate the marital financial structure during your lifetime.
A trust can:
Allow both partners to manage shared assets
Hold your home so the surviving partner keeps it without court involvement
Avoid probate (the public, expensive, and sometimes hostile court process)
Protect privacy—especially important for LGBTQ+ families with difficult relatives
Reduce the ability of biological family to contest your plan
Married couples often gain automatic protections in probate. Unmarried LGBTQ+ couples can mirror those rights through a trust.
3. Healthcare Proxy & HIPAA Release: Ensuring You Aren’t Locked Out of the Hospital
One of the most traumatic experiences LGBTQ+ partners still face is medical discrimination—including partners being denied visitation, barred from decision-making, or pushed aside by homophobic relatives.
A Healthcare Proxy and HIPAA Authorization allow you to:
Name your partner as your legal healthcare decision-maker
Guarantee hospital access
Prevent biological relatives from taking control in a crisis (“medical kidnapping”)
Keep your medical information private from people you do not trust
These documents turn your partner into your legal next-of-kin in medical settings—something marriage provides automatically.
4. Living Will: Making Your Medical Wishes Crystal Clear
A Living Will is essential for LGBTQ+ people because it:
Protects your partner from family conflict when it comes to end-of-life decisions
Prevents unsupportive relatives from overriding your wishes
Ensures your values—not someone else’s—guide your care
For couples who fear interference from biological family, a Living Will provides certainty and peace of mind.
5. Durable Power of Attorney: Recreating the Financial Rights of a Spouse
This document gives your partner authority to handle your:
Bills
Banking
Insurance
Business affairs
Real estate transactions
It allows your partner to step in legally during illness or incapacity.
For LGBTQ+ entrepreneurs, creatives, or individuals with sensitive or private sources of income, the POA ensures your financial privacy is respected and your partner—not your family—has the authority you choose.
6. Cohabitation Agreement: The Unmarried Couple’s Version of a Prenup
Cohabitation Agreements are powerful tools for LGBTQ+ partners who live together but remain unmarried for financial, personal, or legal reasons.
They can address:
How property is owned
Who pays what
How assets should be divided if you separate
Protections for a stay-at-home partner
Rights that mimic married spouses' financial expectations
It’s a way to build stability and fairness without the formalities of marriage.
7. Parenting Documents: Protecting LGBTQ+ Families with Kids
For LGBTQ+ parents—whether through adoption, surrogacy, assisted reproduction, or blended families—legal parentage is not automatically assumed like it is for married heterosexual couples.
To recreate parental rights, you may need:
Second-parent adoption
Co-parenting agreements
Temporary guardianship designations
Standby guardianship (especially for trans or chronically ill parents)
Nomination of guardians in your Will
These documents ensure your children stay with the person you trust—not a biological relative who may not respect your family.
8. Disposition of Remains Appointment: Ensuring Your Partner Makes Final Decisions
In the absence of clear paperwork, New York law gives biological family members the first right to control funeral and burial arrangements. This can lead to devastating situations where the partner is:
Excluded entirely
Denied the ability to honor their partner’s wishes
Forced into conflict with unaccepting relatives
A Disposition of Remains Appointment—paired with your Living Will—lets you legally name your partner to:
Make burial or cremation decisions
Carry out your final wishes
Prevent family interference
This document replicates the next-of-kin status that spouses receive automatically.
Why LGBTQ+ Couples Need Stronger Estate Planning Than Ever
Even with legal marriage available, LGBTQ+ individuals continue to face:
Homophobic or unsupportive biological family
Complicated family structures
Religious relatives who disapprove of partners or transitions
Hospital staff who still discriminate
Parents fighting same-sex partners for financial control
Legal uncertainty around transgender spouses
Unique income situations you may not feel comfortable discussing with a non-LGBTQ attorney
For these reasons, many LGBTQ+ couples rely on estate planning to build their family structure on paper—stronger, safer, and more customized than traditional marriage laws provide.
Final Thoughts: Marriage Isn’t the Only Way to Protect Your Family
Through thoughtful estate planning, LGBTQ+ couples can recreate every protection that marriage offers—often more clearly and securely.
The right plan ensures:
Your partner is protected
Your children are safe
Your wishes are honored
Discriminatory or hostile family cannot interfere
Your legacy is preserved exactly as you choose
If you’re part of an LGBTQ+ couple in New York, these legal tools allow you to create the life—and the family structure—you deserve.