Checklist of Essential Estate Planning Documents for LGBTQ+ Couples with Kids
Many LGBTQ+ families are built through adoption, assisted reproduction, surrogacy, or blended family arrangements. While New York law is relatively progressive, assumptions are dangerous when it comes to parental rights and inheritance.
Common risk points include:
One parent not being legally recognized as a parent
Outdated beneficiary designations
Family members who may challenge a surviving parent’s authority
Medical decisions being made by biological relatives instead of a spouse or partner
Children unintentionally disinherited or left in court-supervised guardianships
Estate planning is how you lock in legal certainty—not just for today, but for the future.
Core Documents Every Same-Sex Couple with Kids Should Have
A Comprehensive Estate Plan (Not Just a Will)
A simple will is rarely enough for families with children. Most same-sex couples benefit from a trust-based estate plan, which offers privacy, flexibility, and protection if someone becomes incapacitated.
At a minimum, your plan should address:
Who inherits your assets
Who manages money for minor children
Who makes decisions if you are incapacitated
How disputes are avoided
SECTION 1: Financial Planning Checklist
Key goal: Ensure your partner and children are financially protected without court involvement.
Essential Financial Documents
✔ Revocable Living Trust
Allows assets to pass to your partner and children without probate, while controlling how and when children receive funds. This is especially important for minors and high-value estates.
✔ Pour-Over Will
Acts as a backup to your trust and names guardians for minor children.
✔ Beneficiary Designations Review
Retirement accounts, life insurance, and payable-on-death accounts must align with your estate plan. These override your will if done incorrectly.
✔ Trust Funding Documents
Deeds and account transfers that move assets into your trust—often overlooked but critical.
✔ Powers of Attorney (Financial)
Allows your partner (not a court-appointed stranger) to manage finances if you’re incapacitated.
Common Financial Pitfalls for Same-Sex Couples
Assuming marriage alone guarantees inheritance
Forgetting to update beneficiaries after having children
Naming minors directly as beneficiaries
Leaving assets outright instead of in trust
SECTION 2: Guardianship & Parental Rights Checklist
Key goal: Ensure your children stay with the people you choose—without litigation.
This is often the most important part of an estate plan for parents.
Guardianship Documents You Need
✔ Guardianship Designations in Your Will
You and your partner should clearly name:
Primary guardian
Backup guardian
Separate trustee (if appropriate)
✔ Standby Guardianship Provisions
Allows a guardian to step in immediately during emergencies—without waiting for court approval.
✔ Parental Rights Documentation
Depending on your family’s structure, this may include:
Second-parent adoption orders
Judgments of parentage
Surrogacy or donor agreements
Even married couples may need these to avoid challenges, especially if traveling or relocating.
✔ Trust for Minor Children
Controls how money is used for education, healthcare, and support—and prevents children from receiving large sums at 18.
Why This Matters More for LGBTQ+ Families
If a non-biological parent’s rights are unclear, extended family members can challenge custody, even if that was never your intent. Courts look to documentation—not assumptions.
SECTION 3: Healthcare & Incapacity Planning Checklist
Key goal: Ensure your partner—not biological relatives—makes medical decisions.
Healthcare Documents You Need
✔ Health Care Proxy
Names who can make medical decisions if you cannot. Without this, hospitals may default to next of kin—even if that’s not your partner.
✔ HIPAA Authorization
Allows your partner access to medical information and communication with providers.
✔ Living Will / Advance Directive
Documents your wishes regarding life-sustaining treatment and end-of-life care.
✔ Emergency Care Instructions for Children
Ensures caregivers, schools, and doctors know who has authority in emergencies.
What About Unmarried Same-Sex Couples?
Unmarried couples face significantly higher legal risk. Without planning:
Your partner may have no inheritance rights
They may be excluded from medical decisions
Children may not remain with the surviving partner
Assets may pass to biological relatives instead
For unmarried couples, estate planning is not optional—it’s essential.
When Should You Update Your Plan?
You should review or update your estate plan if:
You’ve had or adopted a child
You moved to or from New York
You married or divorced
Your financial situation changed
Laws affecting LGBTQ+ families changed
Your guardians or trustees are no longer appropriate
How Adelman Bodner Helps LGBTQ+ Families Plan with Confidence
At Adelman Bodner, we focus on estate planning for modern families—including LGBTQ+ parents navigating complex legal landscapes. Our approach is proactive, judgment-free, and designed to eliminate uncertainty before it becomes a crisis. Click here for a free appointment to discuss your unique family situation.
We don’t just draft documents—we help you:
Protect parental rights
Avoid family disputes
Minimize court involvement
Create clarity for your children’s future
Quick Reference Checklist
Financial
☐ Revocable Living Trust
☐ Pour-Over Will
☐ Updated Beneficiary Designations
☐ Powers of Attorney
Guardianship
☐ Guardian Designations
☐ Standby Guardians
☐ Parental Rights Orders
☐ Children’s Trust
Healthcare
☐ Health Care Proxy
☐ HIPAA Authorization
☐ Living Will
☐ Emergency Child Care Instructions